SO

So, its Easter and that moves us all in different ways. Easter here on board is a really special time. There are things going on but not so much that you feel overwhelmed by it all. It is a pretty cool time where we really come together as a ship family. It will be memorable for me as well as I have learned something that will probably stick with me for a long time. I came across something in a teaching I listened to in the last couple days that has really hit me hard. In John 13 as the last supper is beginning we read this passage of scripture. It is the very familiar washing of the feet.

Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power and that He had come from God and was returning to God; SO he got up from the meal took off his outer clothing and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet....

In the passage of scripture, the contrast on either side of SO is what stands out to me now. In one verse, it talks about Jesus being from God and having all the power in the world. In the very next phrase, Jesus is preparing to wash his disciples' feet. These are the same disciples that in a few hours will betray him or deny him or abandon him and Jesus knew they were going to do that.

It says right there that Jesus had all things under his power. He could have used that power to lecture his disciples or any number of things or even change what was going to happen in the next 24 hours. But instead, we get to the SO in verse 4.

SO, he got up from the meal took off his outer clothing and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet....

After acknowledging that he had all power, scripture tells us he chose to wash their feet. Jesus had all the power and authority to do anything and what did he do with it? He served. He served those who were going to really let him down really bad and really soon.

One of the reasons we are here is that I get to be an accountant and be in this place and be involved in the great work Mercy Ships does. The team I work with in finance are amazing and I do get to play with spreadsheets a lot. (Yes that is a good thing). In my past jobs, I did the analysis and just handed it off to the decision makers. New to me here, is that I make just about every spending decision. I feel the weight of that responsibility often. This responsibility sometimes leads me to feel like I am just getting in the way of the work everyone is trying to achieve. Money is a limited resource and my role is to manage that resource here on board which means saying "No" sometimes. I feel like the bad guy in the midst of all these good people doing really good work. I know that my role is needed and I do enjoy being an accountant and a CPA,  but sometimes I really just don't like the responsibilities that come with it. Sometimes I wish we had an endless supply of money that could be given out freely. Then I would get to say "Yes" all the time and not feel like a hindrance to all the amazing people I work alongside.

Sometimes God asks His followers to do things that are hard and the tasks themselves are not necessarily joy bringing. The joy will simply need to come from doing the task in obedience to the call. There are amazing things about being here. There is such joy in watching my girls grow up going to a hospital to hang out with patients and give them stickers as their after dinner activity. There is joy seeing the patients light up when our family enters the ward. There is joy in seeing my wife help save baby Alseny's life just because we were here at the same time as a baby who needed a mother's milk. There is joy in getting to play ultimate frisbee with an African sunset as the backdrop. There is joy working with my finance team. There is lots of joy to be found by being here and I get to receive that joy because of the calling God has given us. My role, which has tasks that may not always bring joy by themselves, is part of that call. Doing that job and taking the responsibility that comes with it, means I get to experience the joys I mentioned and so much more.

I missed a lot of joy in our first year because I was so focused on how hard things were. The joy is actually starting to be more evident because I am accepting that I must serve in order to receive the joy. Parts of my job are always going to be hard. But doing this job can bring joy because God has called me to do this job at this time in this place.

I will bet that Jesus got a lot of joy when he walked out of that tomb on Sunday morning, but prior to that he did hard things that were part of that call. Jesus took the power and authority that he had and still chose to serve. He served them that night by washing their feet and he served all of mankind the next day by laying down his life for all of us. After that, the joy came when he walked out of the tomb having conquered death and offering his children the ability to come unto him.

This Easter I have learned that joy comes from service and look forward to Easter Sunday now to celebrate the joy of getting to celebrate with the joy giver. The one who served and sacrificed before he conquered death, so I could experience the joy of life with Him here and in the age to come.

Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith. For the joy set before him, he endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:2

 

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Clouds

We've been back on the ship for a week now and I really felt led to express my thoughts about this week.  Our very first week on the ship in July of 2012 was one of the hardest of our lives.  Adalynn and Cora were not sleeping and so we did not sleep. John's job was overwhelming. We had just moved our family to a ship!!  It was a really rough time for us.  We thought we were moving to the ship to be missionaries and that life would automatically be good and easy and we were SO wrong.  We were trying really hard not to approach this transition with dread.  This morning I read in my devotional about a movie that was being made about WWI and that they had to postpone filming for several days because there weren't any clouds in the sky.  The producer said that the aerial fight scenes wouldn't be the same with a blue sky. They needed clouds to give perspective and make the film better.  The devotion related this to life, that sometimes the clouds are needed to give us perspective.  We had those clouds and I am so thankful to say that this week back has been amazing and we recognize the perspective that those clouds gave us.

We learned a lot in this last year and I think we were able to approach this move back to the ship in a different light.  We didn't have the false idea that life would be perfect but we also didn't come feeling completely pessimistic.  I think we came knowing that life was not always going to be easy but that the Lord has led us here and he will carry us through whatever pitfalls we encounter.  We spoke with a lot of our friends and family about the prayers we needed to make it through this transition.  I am so grateful to say that we have felt God's peace and all those prayers answered so vividly.

I wanted to write this blog because I don't want to miss the opportunity to praise God for the amazing answers to prayer and peace that he has given us in this time.  Last night we all slept through the ENTIRE night!!  Yes, that means that I didn't wake up AT ALL for any of my children.  This is a huge milestone.  Time and time again John and I feel that we have been attacked with lack of sleep. I think it is one way Satan has brought us down as a family.  We knew going into a transition overseas with 3 children that lack of sleep was a very real possibility.  We did have 3 nights in a row of the girls waking up to play in the middle of the night (including Cora singing "If You're Happy and You Know it".... at midnight". Lets just say we did not clap our hands.)  But instead of becoming overwhelmed and down about it all we really took it in stride, blamed jet lag and made it through.  Now after one short week we are all sleeping well-Praise Jesus.

The girls have adjusted so well! They love school on the ship and they love all the constant attention.  When I ask them if they want to eat dinner in our cabin or down in the dining hall they both say they want to eat with "all the people".  The things we thought would be overwhelming and take them time to adjust to have been a breeze.  Once again, answered prayers and the Lord's faithfulness in carrying us through this time.  Jack has assumed his role as the "youngest crew member" very well. He is such a laid back baby and has really not missed a beat with all this transition.   I got to take a walk into town with him on Sunday with our friend Gretchen.  We walked to a little café about a mile or so from the ship.  We got ice cream and Jack was swept away immediately by the ladies running the café.  They carried him around for most of the hour we were there, talking to him and showing him to all their friends.  They then asked if we named him after Jack Bauer.  And that is why I love Africa!

So, thank you for your thoughts and your prayers. Thank you for your continued support.  We look forward to our continued transition back and look forward to learning more about what it means to see the Lord through the clouds of life.  We feel so blessed to be here and to be able to serve in this way with such an amazing group of people standing behind us.  We will do our best to keep you updated and hopefully soon give you a little taste of Congo.  But, for now, join us in praising God for his faithfulness and also enjoying some fun pictures of our first week back!

The girls ready to head to school.  Adalynn goes to the preschool and Cora to the nursery.  Both get to go 3 mornings a week from 9-12. Their classes join each other for snack and recess.

Saying "goodbye" to Jack before leaving for school.

Playing on "deck 8".  This is the top deck of the ship. They have a little jungle gym with a slide and some tricycles to ride around.  Adalynn was so excited that she was big enough now to pull Cora on this tricycle.

Swinging on "deck 7".  This is where they spend most of their time playing outside. It's where the school has recess too.  They love the swings. From here we have a view of the dock and the patients waiting to get onto the ship.

A view of the dock from deck 7.  The tents and patient waiting area is behind me the other way.

Dancing in the cabin after I got it finally all cleaned up and all our stuff put away.  It feels good to be back to our small home on the ship.

Saturday morning we took the girls swimming. There is a pool made from an old container on the top deck of the ship.  The girls had a great time!

Jack just sunbathed and slept by the side of the pool.

You can see all  the large ships all around us in the port from the view off the pool deck (and Jack chilling in the foreground).

Another view of the port from the pool deck. That green floor is "deck 8" where the girls were riding the bike.

Jack looking super grown-up! 

We made it!

 Thank you to all of you for your many prayers for our journey to Congo.  We arrived safely yesterday around 3pm Congo time (8am Colorado time).  From door to door it was 36 hours of travel. A feat we hope to never do again.  

To say that prayers were felt would be an understatement. We felt surrounded by the Lord's peace and calm. The girls did amazing and Jack pretty much slept and smiled the entire trip! We sat next to a family with triplets about Jack's age so we felt like we had it easy compared to them! We were able to get seats in the bulk-head with a bassinet. This was such a great blessing and allowed for a bit of extra room for the girls (and us) and a place for Jack to sleep.  He even enjoyed just lying in the bassinet and staring at the seatbelt and no-smoking lights :)  

We were exhausted when we arrived but we were able to have some dinner and go to bed at our normal bedtime. We all slept really well and felt a bit rested this morning.  Tonight was a harder night for the girls to get to sleep as I think they are experiencing the jet lag they were too tired to feel last night.  Please pray that they would adjust quickly so that they are not too tired over these next few days.

Our first day on the ship today was really good. Adalynn woke up this morning and really wanted to go to school.  She's been talking about her school for months and she couldn't wait to go back.  We weren't planning on them going to day, thinking they'd be so tired but she insisted and she had a great time. Cora ended up going to her nursery class for the morning as well. They meet up with Adalynn's class for snack and recess so they enjoyed that very much.  It was so sweet to reunite with so many of our ship friends.  People gave us a really amazing welcome. Our cabin was clean and the beds were all set up. They even hung our pictures up for us to make it feel like home (we had to take everything down while we were gone as others used our cabin).

We are excited about our transition back and continue to be thankful for your prayers for us during this time.

I've included some pictures from our travel below!

Also wanted to let you know how you can contact us.

Email:  is always a great way. This email is fine or you can send one to our personal emails if you prefer.  traceylwall@gmail.com or johnwall215@yahoo.com.

I Message: Our I-message account is johnwall215@yahoo.com

Phone: Our number is a Florida number so it is free to call us from your cell phone.  Just remember we are 7 hours later than you (if you are in Colorado).  Our number is 

954-538-6110 ext 6211.

Mail:  We love to receive mail!!  It is free for us to receive letters of any kind and they usually get here in a couple weeks!  Our address is:

The Walls

M/V Africa Mercy-Crew Mail

PO box 2020

Lindale, TX  75771

Packages: It costs us $8/lb to receive a package directly (ie: to above address) so if you want to send us something that will get here in 2-3 weeks we ask that you please include some money for the shipping costs to receive it.  If you want to send something that can get here in 2-3 months instead you can send it to the same address but include FOR CONTAINER ONLY and it will be free for us and arrive on our shipping container 2-3 months after you send it. Address it  like this:

The Walls

M/V Africa Mercy-FOR CONTIANER ONLY

PO Box 2020

Lindale, TX 75771

Adalynn watching a movie while eating!

Cora having fun with the iPad

Jack sleeping away in his bassinet.

5 Walls

We are excited to announce the arrival of the 5th Wall. John Henry Wall (Jack) was born January 8. He weighed in at 8 pounds 13oz right in the middle of his two sisters.  He and mama are doing great. He nurses and sleeps pretty well so far. We really hope that continues. His sisters fight over who gets to hold him and give him kisses and we figure we can get rid of their toys as Jack has their complete focus at this point.

 

 

 

Jack put us through the waiting game not showing up until 3 days after his due date. As such, we made him wait on a final decision for his name for a full day. Some of you were told after his birth that his name was Jack Henry Wall. Tracey and I had come to that point and were pretty settled on that.  We chose Jack because it was like John but not exactly. When I called my mom after his birth, she asked me where did Jack come from and I gave her that exact answer. But saying it out loud felt wrong. 

Later that night, I went back to the house to put our girls to bed before going back to the hospital to spend the night there with Tracey and our baby boy. While home, I was praying and in the midst of that prayer, the story of the birth of John the Baptist was impressed upon me. Especially the part where Zechariah wrote down "His name is John" and then his tongue was loosed.  Before going back to the hospital, I read the passage and also the passage where John is preaching in the wilderness and baptizes Jesus and I felt God telling me that our boy's name was John. After reading these things, I went back to the hospital and talked to Tracey about what I was feeling. After discussion and prayer during the night and then again the next day, we decided to write down John Henry Wall on his birth certificate paper work.

John is also my father's name and Henry was my grandfather's name. I am named after my dad and great grand dad (John from my father and John Nathan from my great grandfather). My father is named for his dad and grandfather (John Nathan his grandfather and Haskel his dad's middle name).  Tracey and I have tried to give our kids a heritage with each of their names and Jack was supposed to do that but it didn't feel complete. Now he has the full heritage to live to and not a "not exactly" heritage.

More than that though is the story of John the Baptist. It meant something for me to write that down as his name despite the fact that we had already told people his name was Jack. Once Zechariah wrote down "His name is John" he tongue was loosed. God had also laid that on my heart and it was great to follow that lead despite the embarrassment of changing his name after we had already told people a different name.

John was also a voice in the wilderness. As I wrote about in other posts, I have been through my own wilderness experience and have been coming out of that. Part of that is my son calling me out of that time because he needs me to raise him well and show him the Joy that comes from a life in Jesus. Now that we have listened and our son has a name that we feel God has given us, my joy is full at this point.

 

The girls first introduction! They love their new brother!

 

If you would like to see some more pictures check out this website bellababyphotography.com (password: gobr0109wall) to see some professional pictures taken in the hospital.

Home

So I have been back in Colorado for a little over a week  now.

Its been a really joyous time for me. That whole absence makes the heart grow fonder thing seems to apply here. Although, after the last four months, I wouldn’t choose the absence so I could have the increased fondness.

There were like a million people in line at customs when I came into Denver. So close yet so far. It actually went pretty well though and even my little questioning with the agent went quickly. Sometimes it doesn’t because my birthplace of Isfahan, Iran is in my passport and I am a little disheveled after 30 hours of travel. It is also No shave November and I haven’t cut my hair in over a year (except for a little tidying here and there). But this agent could see I think, I was ready to be home. He asked about souvenirs and I said “No, I am just getting back to my family after four months away.” He smiled and said “Well, Welcome Home” and gave me the passport.

As I came up the escalator from customs, I just saw Trace. Were there other people around?

 I didn’t even notice how much the life inside her has grown upon first sight as I came up the escalator from customs. I just saw her face and then put down my luggage and was engulfed in the best hug ever. Were there people around?

We got to the car and there weren’t other people around J. It took a while for us to get into the car. Besides holding Trace some more I was able to speak to my son for the first time.

 We drove home and it was rush hour. I was thankful for the traffic (which is amazingly organized compared to what I have experienced the last couple years in Guinea and Congo).  The traffic on the way home was just more time to visit with Trace without anyone else around. It took about an hour and a half to get home.

Then I got to walk in the door to see the girls. Tracey and I didn’t know what to expect considering the girls ages and how long I had been gone. Well I will just let the video below tell the story.

 

Yes I did completely ignore my father-in-law when I came in. Just had to get to the girls. Cora didn’t stop saying Dada for about 10 minutes. Adalynn was so excited to tell me she wears underwear now and can go the potty by herself. (She even came and got me the next time she went). Adalynn was also excited to read her Bible with me when I came home. She had been asking for her Bible from the Ship and promptly wanted me to read a story to her.

Truly a remarkable homecoming and the end to an important time in the life of our family. We learned a ton about our relationship with God, with each other and the work we are doing. But we are happy that the period is over and we are all together again.

Tracey and I are so thankful for the support we each received during these four months. The encouraging words sent across the state or across the country or across the world helped to sustain us. The prayers were truly felt and uplifting. Phone calls and emails of support brought life and perspective for each of us.

Thank you for being a part of this and helping to sustain our family through this time. We are truly grateful for the support and love we have felt.

Desert

Things are calming down here as our deployment period comes to an end. The surgeries are in full swing and the hospital wards are full. Since Tracey and the girls are not here, I have moved down to Deck 4. In this cabin, I have learned about the thin walls we have heard so much about. Our family cabin is between a fire wall and a classroom so we don’t have that issue as much. In this sense, I am thankful for the paper thin ceilings. This cabin is one floor above the hospital so I can hear the praise songs that are sung down there in the evening. It reminds me greatly of my time in Sudan, when I would wake up to the sounds of the children singing praise songs. That gave me strength to start the day. The sounds down in the hospital give me strength to end the day. It’s been a crazy 8 weeks requiring lots of hours of work for me here and hearing that in the evening and on weekends is quite the blessing. It’s like rain at the end of a long hot day.

Speaking of a long hot day, in an earlier post, I mentioned the desert time I felt during our first year of service with Mercy Ships. I kind of felt that even before we left for the ship. We had a “silent retreat” with God as part of our time in Texas and even on that day I spent most of the time looking up people who had spent time in the wilderness (Elijah, John the Baptist, etc.)

In that earlier post I talked about some of the struggles Tracey and I had. These struggles further distanced me from God instead of drawing me to Him. I also felt distance from others on the ship as well due to barriers I put up. In the position of leadership I have, I didn’t want to look weak or silly or whatever, so I rarely if ever shared these things with anyone. I wasn’t sure what people would think of me and I didn’t want people to know all I was experiencing. It did draw me closer to Trace. She was my rock through the hard times and the frustrations. And I shared everything with her and I mean everything.

Then of course, God knows what we need.  As many of you know, late in the field service we found out we were pregnant with our third child. We were quite surprised. That wasn’t part of the plan. And before you ask. Yes we know how it works.

After much questioning and talking and praying, we both knew that I was to go back to the ship for this extended time. It was what we were being asked to do. That meant I was going to end up here without Tracey and without my girls. I was going to have to turn to God to help me through this phase. I knew that was part of this season in our life. I was also going to need to lean on those around me here much more than I did the year before. And I was going to do that in a weakened state, a state where I am struggling and sad because my rock isn’t here with me.

God essentially was removing all the things I turned to so that I would have to come to Him. Last year, I set aside time very little time for meaningful prayer and Bible study. It was hard to study scripture and for a while I just didn’t. I did read books about how to find God in times like this, but the problem was I wasn’t actually trying. I would read these things and then continue to wonder why God was so distant. He was distant because I wasn’t looking for him. The times that I did study, like getting ready to speak in a community meeting or preparing for a devotion when my time came around I would start to feel more of his presence. But then the doubts would set in or complacency or something and I would lose that. I prayed with Tracey during our family nights, but that was really my only regular prayer time. But I would talk to Trace. And talk and talk. Well really complain and moan and well you get the picture. She was there and listened to my struggles. She encouraged me and really tried to get me to search God out in Scripture and prayer. But it was just easier to go to Trace. Again I just felt distant and was essentially expecting God to come and find me.

Then the news came about the baby and that I was going to come back here by myself. God was removing things so I could see Him. He was always there. I knew that but just couldn’t get to that place of believing it. Here is how I came to believe it.

I only get to talk to Tracey for about an hour or so each day and I just don’t want to take that precious time with complaining about this or that. So in general, I just complain less. My favorite verse is Philippians 2:14-15 which says, 

“Do everything without complaining or arguing so that you may be blameless and pure, children of God in a crooked and depraved generation in which you shine like stars in the universe.” 

I am not sure how I missed that verse when I was struggling. I will be sure to remember to complain less to Trace even when we are together again. Why wouldn’t I want to value that time with her in person as much as the time I get to spend with her on the phone. I have also enjoyed my work more despite working harder and longer and with some of the same struggles I had last year. Amazing how life doesn’t feel as dry when I am not whining about this or that.

And since being back here, my scripture reading has been regular and prayer time has been good. There has been some hard stuff going on to start the field service, but I couldn’t just run upstairs and talk to Trace about it. So, I would turn to God and pray and just ask “what would you have me do”. It’s becoming a habit as I hoped it would last year. I have read Ezra and Nehemiah which show how some really great things can be built when people come together.

I have opened up more to the community around me here as well. People here have really looked after me. Getting me out for hikes or some beach volleyball, letting me borrow their ipads so I could skype with Tracey and put up with times when I am short and a little angry. They know it’s hard for me and have really encouraged me often. The desert feeling fades away when you let people into your life.

So I think the desert end has been reached. It feels really good. I feel closer to God and have learned a bunch. God was there all the time asking, begging for me to turn to Him but I tried everything else. He stripped it all away so that I could see only Him. And now that I have stepped out of that, I have more life, more joy in my job, more community, a third child on the way and more positive communication in my marriage. So now after all that dryness, life feels fresh and new and better than when the desert time started.

I don’t think I want to go back to that. So in the future when doubts and distance push their way in, I hope to look back on this year and remember that God is always there. The desert experience is very real, and I am certainly not the first or last person to go through it. It’s probably not even the last time I will go through it. But God teaches us even in those times. Teaches us that He is still there, even when we believe that He is not. 

15 minutes

I think I may be the last one on the ship to write something about our patient screening day here in Congo. It’s just taken this long for me to process it all. This screening day was something very special for me again. I remember the feeling last year when I got home. It was early in our time with Mercy Ships and I got to really see what it was like to see so many people come together for a common purpose. It was a fabulous display of unity and I held to that day when things were tough last year. So coming in to this year’s, I was really looking forward to being a part again.

Patients waiting in line to be seen.

I realized very early on though that this year was different. Not because there was not the same sense of unity, but just my role in that was different. And with that role would come very different emotions. Last year, the people I helped to move around the screening site had all been told “yes” so far. I did not deal with a single person that had been told that we could not help them. This year though, my post would be to escort people towards the exit after they had been told that we could not help them. At 6:30 am, I met my first person who had been told no. He was having troubling walking.  A lump caught in my throat and then I began to understand what so many others talked about last year but I did not experience. We can’t help everyone and I was beginning to meet those we could not help. I tried to prepare for a long difficult day.

Our screening site was at a large school. The walk for these patients from where they came into contact with me was a long and hard one, up a little hill and through fairly deep sand. Mostly, we would walk with them and guide them toward the exit. The word “sortie” (exit in French) will never have the same meaning for me after that day. For some the walk was long enough that we would take a chair with us so that they could take rests along the way. There were some children that I carried. After such a long day of waiting, they were exhausted and their mamas were exhausted. They needed a break and I was glad I could provide that for them.  As I carried them, I would say a blessing over them, the same blessing I give my girls when Trace and I put them to sleep. I just didn't know what else to do for them. 

There was one girl who had cerebral palsy (I think) that I will never forget. As I carried her, she would seize up and at one point I thought she had stopped breathing.  Then she caught her breath and was coughing. I thought she was dying in my arms and it was breaking me. I brought her to the prayer station, gave her back to her mama and said a blessing over her that brought tears to my eyes. After that I had to take a break. I was emotionally drained. I was hurting and wondering what all of this meant. Why do people have to suffer like that? How does her mama cope? What if that had been Adalynn or Cora? I just needed to sit down and work through that before going back out.

Later in the day, a friend told me about this photo that she had seen of me that had moved her emotionally. I had seen photos taken of me carrying some of the children, even having the local Congolese television cameras come out of nowhere as I carried someone. All the cameras made me a little uncomfortable. One reason I am an accountant is that it is a job that doesn't get much attention and that is just fine with me, but I had no idea what kind of attention was coming. My so called 15 minutes were here.

The next morning, I checked my email and saw that someone had posted this photo of me on Facebook. It was the girl, my one. He wrote some very kind words about me with the post. Then as the day went on, lots of people here asked me about the photo. Lots of people back home re-posted it.  Then I had a call with my colleagues in Texas and they had seen it. I was growing uncomfortable with the attention, I tried to tell people what I was feeling when I was with her and it was just weird talking about it. Then someone came to let me know that Dana Perino had posted it on twitter as her favorite photo of the day. Dana Perino is part of a really popular program on Fox News and was a member of the cabinet of President Bush. She had joined us for the week and been sharing with her audience the happenings of the week. (At the screening, I was introduced to her with the line “I know he looks like he came straight out of the bush, but he is actually the finance director.”) After Dana posting it, the photo was everywhere.  Later that night, the photo showed up on her TV show. As the next week went on, the photo was in a bunch of Mercy Ships blogs. A different screening photo of me holding a little boy on my back was posted on the anniversary of Mother Theresa's death on the Mercy Ships site. To top it off, Dana Perino mentioned me by name on her show. I think my 15 minutes ended there.

I have had a lot of thoughts about that picture since all of that has gone on.

I thought about the attention itself. I just happened to be the one who had been asked to do that particular job. She needed to be carried. I just happened to be in line of the camera after walking with her a few minutes. Anyone else there would have carried her. In fact, that little girl had been carried to me by someone else. I spent the day with a sixty something nurse that made that same walk from 6:30 am until 8 pm with just a 15 minute break all day. She never stopped smiling all day. She was amazing but no attention. That whole screening took 300+ people to pull off. Yet, I felt like I was getting all of the attention. Why me?

I thought about how inspiration comes from a moment. There were thousands of moments that day, but mine was captured. I have not been comfortable with the attention, but many people were thankful for the picture and the story it told. I certainly have looked at photos like that and I am glad this photo inspired others. I hope the attention of that photo means more people care about the person in front of them whether or not the camera is around.

I thought about my family. It’s been an emotional time being here without Tracey, Adalynn and Cora and some people mentioned that maybe that moment with that little girl was why I was here without my family. Interacting with all those people we could not help was a hard day to do on my own.  I missed Tracey greatly at the end of the day. I missed holding my girls after the experiences of carrying that little girl and the other children.

I thought mostly about the girl. I thought about her face, her hair, her bony little body that could not support itself. I wish I knew more of her story. I wish I would not have needed to carry her. I wish her mama didn't have to carry her because of her condition and their lack of means to care for someone with that condition. Mostly, I wish I would have learned her name so she could have shared that attention. I was so struck by her condition and struggles that I didn't ask her mama her name.

I know that my Father knows her name. He knows her story and He knows her suffering. He knows the number of hairs on her head. I pray that He will bring peace and healing to that family. And I pray for the day when there is no more suffering and no more tears. The day when there are no more NOs.